It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, ‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to ‘persuade’ them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it’s good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Humor beats fear, pressure and nervousness, so next time you have to compete, give a talk or do something uncomfortable, remember these puns.

Thank you to the great Grace Ho for sharing these.

Today’s message is especially dedicated to the great Alexa Grueiro.

Have you ever experienced fear?

We all have…and we always will, but my question to you is:

“Will you use fear to motivate yourself to push through?”

Or…

“Will you use fear as a reason to not do something?”

See, you won’t drown by falling in water, you drown by staying there.

Feel the fear, and do it anyway.


Thanks for reading.

Happy Birthday to the great Nicole Arendt.

The first Olympic gymnast to score a perfect 10 was Nadia Comaneci. Below is what she said in an interview…

“I always underestimated what I did by saying ‘I can do better.’ To be an Olympic champion you have to be a little abnormal and work harder than everyone else. Being normal is not great because you will have a boring life. I live by a code I created: Don’t pray for an easy life, pray to be a strong person.”

So be a little abnormal in your efforts. If you do, you will be better than everyone else.

Why? Because nobody else is going all out.

Be like the great Melissa Sapio, who got a perfect 4.0 throughout her college career…

She said: “Figure out what’s expected of you – then do a little bit extra.”


Thanks for reading.

Today’s message is especially dedicated to all the great young players competing in the Little League Baseball World Series in Williamsport, PA, USA.

32 games…1 winner.

9 countries.

1 objective…be the best Little League Baseball team in the world.

Here I am in Williamsport, PA, having a moment. I’m in my element…baseball at its purest and history.

Little League Baseball began in 1939 with 3 teams in Pennsylvania and their uniforms were bought with a $35 donation. Now, there are leagues in over 100 countries.

In this week of competition, Guam, British Columbia, Netherlands Antilles, Italy, Japan, Venezuela, Mexico, Saudi Arabia and eight teams from the United States are all here in this small Pennsylvania town.

Yesterday I watched two semi-final games – Mexico vs Venezuela and Florida vs Louisiana.

Jim Abbott, one of my heroes, threw out the first pitch for the first game. Abbott, born without a right hand, threw a no-hitter with the Yankees in 1993.

Something I noticed was that the teams that won were the teams that had the most energy. Even their fans had more energy. I could tell who was winning by their energy levels.

It’s the Little League World Series – this is what it’s all about. If you’re not going to go all out here…where will you?

Now, I know what you’re thinking…those poor kids are probably nervous!

Guess what? I’m nervous all the time, but the key to peak performance is acting how you want to act, regardless of how you feel.

During the game, I got a text message from the great Carmine Conti, who is a District Administrator for Little League Baseball in Jersey City, NJ. He said I was sitting next to Brielle Meno, a girl who plays on the Guam team. She is the first girl competing in the WS since 2004. Very exciting.

I spoke with a young man named CJ, who comes to Williamsport every year. He said that he has been coming to the LL WS for the past 13 years. I asked him how old he was and he said…13. It’s a tradition – CJ’s uncle has been attending for the past 45 years!

The level of baseball was high, which was exciting. But as I watched all the players from all the different countries, I was most excited because it’s not about baseball, it’s about life…

Teamwork
Sportsmanship (and sportsgirlship)
Honesty
Effort
Energy
Hard work

Baseball will only be a small part of their lives, but the lessons they learn will be with them forever.


Thanks for reading.