MESSAGE #1384 BASKETBALL PHENOM TURNED AMPUTEE

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Yesterday, I talked about one of my she-roes, my mother.

Today, I want to talk about another one of my she-roes, the great Rayna DuBose (ABOVE at the Sports Legends Museum in Baltimore with yours truly).

For those of you who complain about the little things in life, after reading today’s message, there’s a good chance you will never complain again.

From Rayna’s website:

What started as a dream in 2001 quickly turned into a disaster for Rayna DuBose, a highly recruited student who was granted a full athletic scholarship to play Division I Women’s Basketball at Virginia Tech. Rayna entered Virginia Tech in 2001 as a part of the women’s team which was in the Big East Conference at the time. By the time April 2002 had approached, Rayna was struck with a deadly bacterial disease known as meningococcal meningitis, which then led to 96 days in the UVA Medical Center in Charlottesville, Virginia, with collapsed organs, non-functioning kidneys which had her on dialysis, in a coma, liver problems and worst of all no blood circulation to her hands. She was a vegetable fighting for her life. Soon enough the day came when all four of her limbs were amputated and she became a bi-lateral amputee.

After the pain, therapy and what seemed like torture, Rayna returned back to Virginia Tech in the summer of 2003 to return to her normal college life as if nothing had ever happened. With a year off from school in 2002 she still remained active, taking on-line classes and staying a part of the Virginia Tech Women’s Basketball team by serving as a Student Assistant Coach, still traveling and being a part of the team. In 2003 she received the Most Courageous Award at the Men’s Final Four in New Orleans. In 2005 she received the Wilma Rudolph Award. She was also given the 2009 National Ethnic Coalition Organization Congressional Ellis Island Medal of Honor, and was the 2009 McDonalds Athlete of the Day for the Military Paralympics. Rayna has also made appearances on HBO Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, CBS Sports, the CBS Early Show, Cayman Islands news, and local news stations. Just recently completed the USA a2 sitting volleyball training camp.

I caught up with my inspirational friend earlier today on Facebook (Yes, she uses Facebook—in fact Rayna and I text all the time).

The first time I met Rayna, I asked her what she did first thing in the morning.

She said, “Put on my arms and legs.”

Anyone feel like complaining about the fact that it’s “Monday”?!?

Today, Rayna told me, you have to appreciate what you have because you never know what can happen. She has actually said that becoming an amputee was the best thing that ever happened to her because now she is helping others.

Wow.

DuBose also said that the secret to life is to love yourself. I like that.

I asked Rayna if she thought anything was possible.

“EVERYTHING is possible depending on how bad you want it and how hard you will work for it.”

That’s mental toughness.

Rayna does not feel that she is handicapped. It just takes her a little longer to do some things. She even drives when she goes out with her friends!

Sports and life is not about what happens to us, it’s all about how we respond.

So the next time you feel like complaining or feel that you can’t do something, remember Rayna’s words.

MESSAGE #1383 WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY MOTHER

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My mother, the late, great Mary Tseng was, and is, one of my she-roes.

As an immigrant from Shanghai, China, my mother arrived in the United States without a great command of the English language, or a lot of money. In fact, she started out working at White Castle in the Bronx. Then, after my sisters and I got older, she worked an entry level job performing data entry. Even though she didn’t make a lot of money, she was able to save more than most people. Her goal was to raise a family to the best of her abilities. And I feel she did just that with my two sisters and myself. Unfortunately my mother passed away a few years ago after fighting cancer for nine years.

My mother was and is one of my she-roes.

She knew the secret.

It’s about OTHERS.

My mother was very generous to her family, friends, and co-workers. And during those nine difficult years, I never once heard her complain about anything. Even when she had people come to her house to take care of her or perform music therapy, my mother would always ask people, “Did you eat?”

It’s about OTHERS.

I think when we shift our focus from “what can you do for me?” to “what can I do for you?” our world changes. As a by-product, our results change—in relationships, in sports, in sales, and in school.

Everything mothers do comes from a place of love. But sometimes the message is lost because children hear that they need to get better grades, clean their room or can’t get that new cell phone. But there is always a good reason for that.

And that reason is to help make their child the best that they can possibly be.

As children, we need to realize this, be grateful and try to make our mothers proud, every day.

I know I try to.

Happy Mother’s Day.

MESSAGE #1381 YOUR FUTURE

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I want to be remembered as the guy who gave his all whenever he was on the field.
-WALTER PAYTON

What do YOU want to be remembered as?

MESSAGE #1380 YOU CAN DO IT

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In 2004, Jan Mela, at age 15, became the youngest person to reach the North Pole. And then eight months later, reached the South Pole. This was a great feat by the Polish explorer, but that is not the amazing part.

Jan Mela did this as a double amputee.

At age 13, Mela was electrocuted in an accident and lost one arm and one leg.

But he did not give up on life.

William Arthur Ward once said, “Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records.”

We don’t choose what happens to us in life, but we certainly choose how we respond.

If Jan Mela can be the youngest person to reach the North and South Poles as a double amputee…

IMAGINE WHAT YOU CAN DO.

MESSAGE #1379 MENTAL BLOCKS

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Mental blocks are common in all sports, at all levels. I have seen beginners and professionals get stuck on the six-inch playing field between their ears. Perhaps they are a baseball player, who, all of a sudden can’t throw the ball to first base. Maybe it’s a diver who can’t do a flip.

Physically, nothing is wrong, but mentally they can’t get out of their head…yet.

Slumps happen when an athlete is thinking about the wrong thing at the wrong time.

During competition, an athlete should focus less on the internal (negative thoughts) and focus more on the external (target, form, etc).

The beauty of focusing on the external is that your brain cannot think about your target/form and negative thougths at the same time.

So the next time you have a mental block, accept it and re-focus on the things you can control (your effort, body language and strategy). I think you will be pleased at the results.

And if it doesn’t help right away, stick with it.

Why?

Because if you don’t quit, you can’t fail.

MESSAGE #1377 MINDFULNESS EXERCISE

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You hear a lot of people talking about staying in the present moment in sports and life, but when was the last time someone taught you HOW to stay in the present moment?

Here is a mindfulness exercise you can use and practice to help you be more present-minded on and off the court.

1. Notice your posture—are you sitting up, slouching over or leaning back?
2. Notice the area within a five foot radius around you—perhaps there is a desk, pens, paper, your couch, a cup of coffee, etc.
3. Now notice what sounds are present—you may hear people talking, a television, or complete silence.
4. Notice the colors around the room you are in—really notice them.
5. Finally notice your breath—is your breathing deep or shallow? Are you breathing from your stomach or your chest?

How do you feel? If you are like most people, you feel more aware and present. Did you notice that when you were performing that mindfulness exercise there were very little other thoughts going on in your head?

That’s the key to peak performance—focusing on the task at hand. The more you practice being mindful, the more likely you will do it when you need it most.

MESSAGE #1376 DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT

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Recently, I had a high school athlete as a pretty regular client. But then I had my wedding, honeymoon and schools had spring break, so I did not see this client for a few weeks.

I called them when I returned from my honeymoon assuming we would continue, but no response. I also sent an email, and still no response.

I began thinking things like:

“What if they no longer want to use my services?”

“Perhaps they found another coach.”

“Was it something in my coaching?”

It is normal to have negative thoughts—even the greatest athletes in the world have negative thoughts. But the difference is that the ones who succeed are the ones who accept those negative thoughts, then realize that those thoughts are not productive, and re-focus on the things that WILL help them get to the next level.

So I decided to focus on my current clients and things that are in my control.

Well, I found out that my client was still on spring break and did not have telephone or email access. We are resuming this week.

Care but don’t worry.

Thanks for reading.

MESSAGE #1374 HERE’S HOW TO WIN MORE

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It’s all about winning right?

WRONG.

Oftentimes people have the wrong focus—their main goal is to win, i.e., money, trophies, job titles/status.

Would those EXTERNAL “things” really make you happy?

Let’s put it this way, what if you had five million dollars, but on the inside you were a negative and miserable person? What would that make you?

A miserable person with a lot of money.

Being strong, and focusing on the INTERNAL is something that nobody can take away, i.e., money, trophies, job titles/status.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive for external riches, but what I am saying is this:

Your INTERNAL riches will make your EXTERNAL riches that much better.

Not the other way around.