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Today, I have a very special guest blogger. She will be writing on the topic of asking the right questions….

Have you heard the story of the Jefferson Memorial???
I saw a video presentation on it and the message stuck with me. Here’s the story:
The memorial in D.C. was getting badly deteriorated at an alarming rate compared to other memorials and the park service needed to figure out what to do about it.
Here was one option for the quick-to-reactive: Replace the crumbling sections of stone at an unbelievably high cost and requiring the memorial to be closed for an extended period.
But what was smart to do in this case (and in much of life) was to ask, “Why?”
Why were the stones crumbling?
Because they needed to be cleaned very frequently- more than the other memorials…
“Why?”
Well, because there were so many pigeons (what my friend calls flying cockroaches)!
Ok, here we go again…”Why?”
Because there were so many spiders living there…”Why?”
Because there were so many itsy bugs called midges living there…”Why?”
Because of the strange lighting conditions happening at the site!
All these links in the chain of a problem were fixed by turning on the lights just a bit later in the evening. No new formulas developed to clean the stones, no devised methods to control the pigeon, spider, or midge population…none of these complex, elaborate schemes to fix the problem! A simple solution emerged because someone took the time to figure out what the real problem was!
A great lesson, no?

So, what does this have to do with you? Well, take the lesson as you like! For me, it reminds me to constantly move beyond the surface, superficial problem. Why deal with the side effects when you can cut to the core and deal with the root problem? It save a whole lot of time, trouble, effort, heartache, etc…the lessons are infinite! It’s all about thinking outside the box!
In a society of quick answers and results, we need to often slow down and take the initiative to understand the dynamics of a situation before formulating a plan of action.
So, what do you want? What really is the problem???? Be brave enough to ask the question and act upon the answers!

Your homework: The next time you find yourself in a situation, try a new way to react to it.

For a bit more contemplation on the questions and answers of life:

“…have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try
To love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written
in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not
be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the
point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even
Noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
In Letters to a Young Poet

1. They are negative. Remember, nothing positive comes from something negative. When you miss a shot, don’t ask “Why did I hit that terrible shot?” Instead, ask “How can I make an adjustment for next time?” Losers ask why, winners ask how. Next time you play, have someone keep track of how many negative comments, sounds, and negative physical actions you make…you’ll be surprised. I was teaching this woman who is one of the most positive people I know, and in the first half hour, had over 20 negative comments or actions.

2. They focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses. Sure, it’s fun to practice what you’re good at, but that doesn’t help improve your weakest link. If you have no backhand and I see that in the warmup, guess what? I’m hitting EVERYTHING to your backhand. Practice with a purpose.

3. They think winning is everything. Think about it, if this was truly the case, wouldn’t you just play people you were much better than? Wouldn’t that get boring? So there’s something to be said about a challenge. Winning is internal. If you give it your all and push yourself to play your hardest, and then some…guess what? You’re a winner. And if you learn from that, you’re on a whole ‘nother level. Because even is you lose 0-6, 0-6, you will still have gotten more out of that match than your opponent. They may have gotten a bit lucky or maybe they ARE better than you, it doesn’t matter, what you should really measure yourself with is YOU. If you focus on constant learning and improvement, the winning will come.

4. They have poor body language when they are losing or playing poorly. What does someone who is negative look like? Don’t they have their head down, shoulders slumped walking slowly? Guess what? It doesn’t have to be that way. You can instantly change your mood by your actions. So instead, when you’re down, snap your fingers and ACT like you’re really energized and ACT like you’re really confident. You will be amazed at the results; and then your feelings will follow.

5. They don’t have goals. Only about 3% of the population have goals, written goals. How can you get to the next level, if you don’t even know what that next level even is? If you’re trying to find your way around New York City and you have a map of Philadelphia…good luck. Once you have your goals, write the top 5 on an index card and keep it in your tennis bag. Read it before you step on the tennis court and then you will have a plan instead of just “seeing how you play.” The average tennis player says “Let’s see how I play today.” The great tennis player says, “This is how I’m going to play today and this is my strategy.” Instead of just “playing tennis,” be a “tennis player.” There’s a difference. If you’re just PLAYING tennis, youre hitting tennis balls. If you’re a tennis PLAYER, you have the mindset of a champion.

Homework: Watch the US Open and see if the pros make any of these mental mistakes…and see how that affects their performance.

“You miss 100% of the shots you never take.”

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

“People are like teabags, you don’t know their true strength until they’re in hot water.”

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.”

“It’ s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

“How much time you put in is not nearly as important as what you put into the time.”

“Your outcome is determined by your outlook.”

“Feel the fear and take action anyway.”

“You don’t have to be great to start, but you need to start to be great.”

“Losers ask ‘why?’ Winners ask ‘how?'”

“Winners and losers feel the same feelings, they just react differently.”

“Life is 10% what happens to us, 90% how we react.”

“You can’t drown in sweat.”

“Enthusiasm is contagious…start an epidemic.”

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.”

“It’s not what’s happening around you. It’s not what’s happening to you. What really matters is what’s happening inside you.”

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

“The block of granite which was an obstacle in the path of the weak, becomes a stepping-stone in the path of the strong.”

“Winners are not passionate because they’re successful. They are successful because they are passionate.”

“Vague requests equal vague results.”

“If great is an option, good is not enough.”

“If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

“Those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything.”

“Anal glaucoma: ‘I can’t see myself dragging my butt to work/school/practice today.'”

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”

“You can’t drown by falling in water. You drown by staying there.”

“If you have a big enough ‘why’ you’ll always find the ‘how.'”

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“It’s never crowded along the extra mile.”

“People are like 10-speed bikes; most of us have gears we never use.”

“What losers call failure, winners call feedback.”

“To get what we’ve never had, we must do what we’ve never done.”

“Everyone starts from scratch, but not everyone keeps scratching.”

“Never try quitting and never quit trying.”

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”

“We can do no great things, only little things with great love.”

“Energy flows where attention goes.”

“Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is sometimes more important than the outcome. Not everyone can be #1.”

Homework: Write down your favorite quote and put it under your bathroom mirror and look at it first thing in the morning and right before you go to bed.

One of the most important ways to achieve success, is to be 100% responsible for what happens in your life. If you’re honest with yourself, you can make changes. If you avoid the things that are holding you back, you will not be able to fix them and improve. Say, for example, that you are lazy and don’t want to exercise. Admit it. Then you can do something about it. Get on a workout plan and psych yourself up. If you need more experience in competition, admit it. Take action and enter some tournaments or instead of just practicing, play some matches against people you know. If you always show up late for things, admit it. Make a note to start leaving a little earlier. Keep doing the same, thing, and you won’t improve your situation. So face it, and make it better. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. Remember the definition of insanity: doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Homework: Make a list of things that have been holding you back and make a plan to change.