MESSAGE #1013 ANGER

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Today’s message is especially dedicated to all the players out there who have anger management issues.

I once had a student who would often get angry at himself after losing a point. And by once, I mean, I “often” have students who get angry and negative during competition.

Negativity and anger are common challenges for competitive players, but here’s the good news…

This can be overcome with training (just like fixing your backhand).

What do you say to yourself after you lose a point?

“I can’t believe you missed that shot!”

“You stink!”

“What’s wrong with you?!?”

Let’s analyze this voice for a second…

Does this “inner coach” help you perform better?

Of course not. What if a real coach spoke like this to their player? Wouldn’t you find a new coach?

If this is an issue for you, you need to find a new “inner coach.”

This inner coach should say something like…

“No problem. How can I make an adjustment? Good, now let’s focus on the next point.”

“That point is in the past, let’s focus on the next one.”

“You’re still in control. Let’s go!”

What you say to yourself between points will determine how you play and what kind of results you get.

How do YOU want to play and what kind of results do YOU want to get?

Remember this secret formula: S + A = R (Situation plus Attitude equals Result).

MESSAGE #1011 HANGING OUT WITH A CHAMPION

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One thing that I have learned here in Orlando talking to some great coaches and mental toughness experts is this…

Champions are not normal.

They don’t have normal brains.

Lorenzo Beltrame shared a story about when he beat Pete Sampras twice on clay during a training session. He didn’t know how to console “Pistol” but before he could think of something, Pete said “This is great! I feel like I’m playing well and ready!”

That is not normal.

And last night I spent some time with Mark Dickson, former World #32, who has beaten Lendl and was even Agassi’s doubles partner. He was telling me about the days leading up to his match with Lendl, then #1 in the world. He visualized his strategy every day and EXPECTED to beat him. In his mind, he thought, “I can’t believe I’m going to beat the World #1.” And then he did in 45 minutes. I asked Dickson if he ever went into a match thinking he didn’t have a chance. He said “No.” And when he did lose, he thought, “What a great learning experience!”

That is not normal!

Well today I will be wrapping up a great 2.5 days at the Human Performance Institute and heading back home. Next stop, Philadelphia!

Have a great day everyone!

Homework: Don’t be normal today.

MESSAGE #1009 LIVE FROM ORLANDO!

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So here I am at the hotel in Orlando getting ready to start a two and a half day workshop on mental toughness at the Human Performance Institute created by the great Jim Loehr, who has worked with Pete Sampras, Monica Seles, Jim Courier and many more.

I did not sleep at all. I was too excited about learning, networking and whatever else the next 2.5 days have in store. But I feel good. I feel REALLY good. In my insomnia, I read a great story from “Zen Golf” by Dr. Joseph Parent. Here it is…

 

A young man had a clay statue, a family heirloom. He’d always wished that it were bright shiny gold instead of plain brown clay. When he began to earn a living, he put aside a little now and then, until he had enough for his special project: to have his statue covered with gold.

Now it looked just the way he wanted it to, and people admired it. He felt very proud that he had a gold statue. However, the gold-plating didn’t stick to the clay very well, and it wasn’t long before it began to flake off in spots. So he had it gold-plated again. Soon he found himself using all his time and resources to maintain the gold facade of his statue.

One day his grandfather returned from a journey of many years. The young man wanted to show him how he had made the clay statue into a gold one. However, clay was showing through in many spots, so he was somewhat embarrassed.

The old man smiled and held the statue lovingly. With a moist cloth he gently rubbed it and gradually dissolved some of the clay. “Many years ago, the statue must have fallen in the mud and become covered with it. As a very young child, you wouldn’t have known the difference. You forgot, and thought it was just a clay statue. But look here.”

He showed his grandson the place where the clay was removed, and a bright yellow color shone through. “Underneath the covering of clay, your statue has been solid gold from the very beginning. You never needed to put more gold on to cover the clay. Now that you know what its nature really is, all you have to do is gently remove the clay and you’ll reveal the gold statue you’ve possessed all along.”

 

You have all of the ability and all of the gold already inside you…you just have to discover the strategies for success.

Work hard, focus on the positive and start removing the clay that has built up from years of conditioning and negative events. Don’t let society, others and your own thoughts tell you what your potential is. I already know what it is…

Solid gold.

MESSAGE #1008 WHAT I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF…

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One of the things I like about myself is that I have a growth mindset – I LOVE learning. I love what I do so much that I don’t want to go to bed at night and I can’t wait to get up in the morning.

Well in a few hours I will be hopping a flight from Philadelphia International Airport to Orlando, Florida to attend a mental toughness certification program for 2.5 days. The goal is to learn more about my craft. People say that I have become successful, but I don’t look at it that way;  I will never say that “I’ve made it,” or “I know it all.”

I will never know it all. The sky’s the limit.

Carol Dweck, author of one of my favorite books, “MINDSET: The New Psychology of Success” and professor at Stanford University talks about fixed and growth mindsets.

“I think enjoyment is key.  You have to have a passion for what you do.  It’s not about your parents pushing you or your coach threatening you.  It’s about you just wanting to be better and loving every minute of it.  Not every minute, but most of it.”

I learn from everyone I can, from experts like Dweck, strangers, children…ANYONE.

I use all the brains I have and all that I can borrow. – WINSTON CHURCHILL

Next blog entry from sunny Florida…

MESSAGE #1007 LET IT FLOW

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Have you ever been in the zone?

Didn’t the tennis ball look like a beach ball?

EXERCISE

Part One: Look around you and find a nearby object, like a pen or piece of paper. Now slowly reach for it tightening every muscle in your body. Move as slow as you can. Now slowly bring it to your chest and slowly place it down back where you found it.

Part Two: Now reach for the same object normally and bring it to your chest and back.

Didn’t it feel effortless the second time? When you’re in the zone (or as I like to say, “the state of ‘ON'”) you are just flowing; you are just doing.

When we think too much, especially about negative things, we mentally tighten up just like when you were physically reaching for that object a moment ago.

When you mentally tighten up, your mind is not clear and therefore your body won’t function at peak performance.

Your effort should be ALL-OUT…

But your attitude should be A LITTLE RELAXED.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend. -BRUCE LEE

MESSAGE #1006 WHAT WINNERS DO WHEN THEY LOSE…

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I never prayed that I would make a putt. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. -CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ, golfer

How do you react when you miss a shot, or lose a match?

MESSAGE #1005 THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WINNERS AND LOSERS

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“If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don’t care what the scoreboard says. At the end of the game, in my book, we’re gonna be winners.”
-COACH NORMAN DALE, Hoosiers

MESSAGE #1004 WING IT

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So today I went into the city to spend some time with my friend, the great Bob Ryland, the first black professional tennis player and Arthur Ashe’s hero. We had a great lunch with tennis pro Fred Weiland and then Bob and I walked over to the Central Park Tennis Courts and talked to some people, including Caroline, who runs the courts, about Bob and me giving a talk there.

On my way up to the city, I got a message on Facebook from Ben Sturner, CEO of Leverage Agency, one of the top sports and entertainment agencies in the world. Ben invited me to his gorgeous office, filled with sports memorabilia on Fifth Ave. My schedule allowed, so I stopped by.

Ben and I were sitting in his office talking about when I could talk to his team about goal-setting. And then he said, how about today?

“Let’s do it,” I said.

I didn’t have anything prepared, but I have spent my whole career preparing.

As a speaker, the last thing I want to do is rely on my notes. My goal is to speak from the heart and as a result, I know the material better and can give impromptu talks like today in New York City.

How can this help you?

1. Know your stuff.
2. Be brave (and flexible) enough to perform in a moments notice.
3. Give it your all, whether you feel like it or not.
4. Never turn down an opportunity to share your knowledge and improve your craft.
5. Help others.

Thanks for reading.

MESSAGE #1003 MIND GAMES

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“After each of us got a drink, I made my way to the baseline. Panic started to expand inside me like poison gas. My legs felt wobbly and my breathing grew rapid. This was too big of an occasion to blow it because of prematch jitters.”
(“I Against I” by James Martin, Tennis Magazine, May 2010)

Does this scenario sound familiar?

These feelings started BEFORE the match even began, but it happens all the time.

These feelings are normal.

I get nervous before every talk I give, but I know that I do not have to act how I feel. I act confident and energetic and then something amazing happens, I start FEELING confident and energetic. Most people act how they feel and then they get results that they don’t like. It doesn’t have to be that way. It’s a choice. When the catcher in baseball gives the pitcher a sign for a fastball, curveball, changeup, etc, the pitcher has the choice to “shake the catcher off” and choose a different sign or pitch. You don’t have to live in your negative feelings. Accept them, and then act how you want to feel.

You can use this principle in any area of life.

And you can start today.

MESSAGE #1002 CREATIVITY

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Today’s message is especially dedicated to the great Jonathan Star.

 

Are you reacting to life, or are you CREATING what you want?

If you’re like most people, you are reacting to what life brings.

On the tennis court, most players react to the last point, good or bad.

After we lose a point, we generally have a negative response. After we win a point, we generally have a positive response.

The secret however, is to CREATE a winning point and feeling, BEFORE the point begins.

I just finished reading the manuscript of one of the best books I have read recently, “GAME ‘ON’: THE FLOW, THE ZONE & THE STATE OF ‘ON,’ IN SPORTS AND LIFE” by Jonathan Star.

In his book, Star talks about this idea of creating what you want instead of reacting to the last one.

Star says that if you lose a point, you should let it go immediately and if you win a point, you should stay with that winning feeling until right before the next point begins.

“In my own view of things, being ‘in the zone’ refers to a state where everything is going right, where you are making your shots, where there is a certain ease and flow to your game. The state of ‘on’ – or what we may call ‘full on,’ since there are different levels in this state – is not so much a feeling that everything is going right, but the feeling that you can do no wrong. It is an elevation of the zone – you’re not in the zone, you’re not going with the flow, you’re creating it. You are not ‘in’ the state, you are the state. But you come to feel this way when you allow a higher dimension of your self to enter the game and bring it to a whole new level.”

Are you creating, or are you reacting?

Stay tuned for more on the state of “on.”