Message # 81 Clenched Fists

This message is dedicated to my youngest Zen master, the great Sela Horowitz ( 1 year, 2 months old, tomorrow).

“You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.” Many of us walk around tight or nervous or angry. Some of us are too quick to judge others or focus on the negative qualities.

In order to attain true happiness and connection with others, and ourselves is to unclench our fists. Sympathize and empathize. There may be people we don’t like, but if we wait long enough, good qualities will eventually come out. If you look at things from other’s perspectives, you will understand. Even if people don’t treat you well, you are just as bad as them if you try to get revenge or treat them the same.

If you are playing a tennis match and your opponent is making terrible line calls. Do you let that bother you? It happens all the time. You can’t control what people do, you can only control what YOU do. Perhaps their coach told them to call it out when in doubt, so it’s not the player’s fault. It’s true, I’ve known coaches that teach that. But those coaches are only focused on winning. I don’t worry about that because people get what they deserve. Karma.

Perhaps they have terrible vision and can’t make good line calls. You don’t know, so don’t jump to conclusions.

If they are giving you an attitude, don’t worry about it. Maybe they had a bad day or a death in the family or just broke up with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Another way we clench our fists is when we are nervous. Sometimes when we don’t even realize it. I see people play tennis for an hour and a half and they have this “death grip” the whole time. Watch the pros and see how after each point, they put their racquet in their non-dominant hand. That way you relax and give your arm a break.

People come from all walks of life and all cultures and everyone has been through different situations. Spend some time getting to know others before you judge them. It will make things much easier.

The Native Americans say, “To know a person, you have to walk a mile in their moccasins.”

Homework: Find someone you dislike and unclench your fists.