MESSAGE #1033
Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use. -RUTH GORDON
Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use. -RUTH GORDON
I recently started working with a high school tennis player who had low self-esteem and negativity issues.
His father called me to ask if I could work with his son to overcome his challenges.
Well, I did one long session with him and then gave him some homework.
I saw him a week later and I immediately noticed that his body language and attitude was completely different.
I said, “How’s it going?”
He replied, “Great! I am not negative anymore.”
I was skeptical.
I found out that he lost a couple matches during the week, but was extremely happy with his attitude. He was a new person, and he had a winning mindset. He wasn’t perfect, but this was a great start, nonetheless.
I was extremely proud of him.
What did I give him?
HOPE.
Hold On Possibilities Exist.
What’s the point?
Mental skills are just like physical skills – they are trainable.
This young man is striving to become a little bit better every day, and I am confident that as our coaching sessions continue, he will eventually become the player, and person he wants to be.
Afterall, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
“The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.”
DON’T QUIT, CAN’T FAIL
“When you’re tired and frustrated is where it begins. Because that’s when others quit.” -ROB GILBERT, Ph.D., noted Sports Psychologist and founder of Success Hotline (973 743 4690)
I recently spent some time with life coach, Dolores DeGiacomo.
I asked Dolores what some common challenges were for her clients. She said that many times people have unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. They focus on external things that are out of their control and then get upset or angry.
When we focus our energy on things we cannot control, we are wasting energy. It’s a losing battle.
Instead, DeGiacomo says, “We should focus on things we can control, like our perspective on situations and people, being kind to ourselves and never give up.”
“How can we do it differently next time?” is better than “What’s wrong with me/them?” DeGiacomo added.
One of her clients was complaining that her mother-in-law was not treating her the way she wanted to be treated.
DeGiacomo asked, “Does she know how you would like to be treated?”
“No,” here client responded.
That’s like if I’m a tennis coach and I expect my students to practice between lessons, work on their fitness, have proper nutrition and work on their mental toughness…but I don’t tell them to, and then get angry at them when they don’t. That’s just silly.
Dolores also recommends that we stay in “learning mode.” When we strive for constant improvement instead of results, we actually start getting better results, as a by-product.
I like that.
For a free 10-minute consultation with Coach Dolores DeGiacomo, email:
Today’s message is especially dedicated to the Class of 2010.
One of the things I love doing is hearing commencement speeches. Here is President Barack Obama’s message for this year’s graduates…
Congratulations. Since I couldn’t be at every high school and college commencement this year, I wanted to send a message to all of the graduates in this country who are about to embark on the next chapter of your young and promising lives.
There are generations of Americans who came of age during periods of peace and prosperity. When they graduated from high school or college, they entered a world of comfort and stability where little was required of them beyond their obligations to themselves an their families.
That is not the world you are about to inherit. You are growing up in a time of great challenge and sweeping change. You will search for jobs in an economy that is still emerging from one of the worst recessions in history. You will seek a profession in an era where a high school diploma and a factory job are no longer sure paths to success. And you will raise your children in a world where threats like terrorism and a changing climate cannot be contained within a country’s borders.
At times like these, when the future seems unsettled and uncertain, it can be easy to lose heart. When you turn on the television or read newspapers or blogs, the voices of cynicism and pessimism always seem to be the loudest.
Don’t believe them.
Yes, we are facing difficult times. But America has been through them before. In the 1930s, young men and women saw one-third of the nation ill-clothed, ill-housed, ill-fed, and later witnessed tyranny sweep across Europe and the Pacific. In the 1960s, millions of students participated in peaceful protests – against those who sought to keep them divided by race, against a war they believed unjust – and were met with billy clubs and fire hoses.
So many times in so many eras, Americans your age could have decided to just go about their own business, fend for themselves, and leave our country’s problems for somebody else to solve.
But they didn’t
You are graduating today in part because those who came before you had the courage to look past their differences, face down their common difficulties, and perfect their union. It was young soldiers who pushed forward at Lexington and at Gettysburg, at Normandy and at Kandahar. It was graduates like you who looked across a continent and built the railroads, highways, schools, and universities that have fueled the most prosperous economy in the world. It was a 33-year-old Thomas Jefferson who wrote the Declaration of Independence; a 33-year-old Elizabeth Cady Stanton who organized the Seneca Falls Convention, the first national women’s rights convention; a 26-year-old Martin Luther King Jr. who began his journey to the mountaintop; and a 20-year-old Bill Gates who started one of the most transformative companies on Earth
All of these Americans faced long odds. All of them faced doubt. Many grew up in times of discord and difficulty. Yet they knew that while America’s destiny is never certain, our ability to shape it always is. Ours is a history of renewal and reinvention, where each generation finds a way to adapt, thrive, and push the nation forward with energy, ingenuity, and optimism.
That is your charge as graduates – our future is in your hands. The United States is still a land of infinite possibilities waiting to be seized, if you are willing to seize them.
While government plays a role in making a more prosperous and secure future possible for America, the final outcome ultimately depends on you and the choices you make from here on out.
Of course, each of you has the right to take your diploma and seek the quickest path to the biggest paycheck or the highest title possible. But remember: You can choose to broaden your concerns to include your fellow citizens and country instead. By tying your ambitions to America’s, you’ll hitch your wagon to a cause larger than yourself. You can choose a career in public service or the nonprofit sector, or teach in an underserved school. If you have medical training, you can work in an understaffed clinic. Love science? You can discover new sources of clean energy or launch a business that makes the most efficient and affordable solar panels or wind turbines.
Or you may decide to make your mark in ways that may be smaller but are just as important – volunteering at a local shelter, tutoring or mentoring schoolkids, staying involved in the local and national debates that shape our lives and the life of our country, or raising your own children to be generous and productive Americans.
No matter what you choose to do, know that you have the ability – each one of you – to write the next chapter in America’s story. Starting your careers in troubled times is a challenge, but it’s also a privilege. When I left for Chicago after college to be a community organizer, I, like many of you, had no idea what the future would hold for me. What I did know was that somehow, in some way, I wanted to make an impact on the world around me.
It’s times like the one you’re facing today that force us to try harder and dig deeper. Times like these move us to fin the greatness we each have inside and, in doing so, rediscover the greatness that defines us as a nation. These are the tasks lying before you, and I have no doubt all of you are up to the challenge.
Today is Message #1026 (my birthday: October 26) and my lucky number. In fact, if you have spent some time with me, you know that I even have a #26 necklace that I always wear (it was my baseball number too), and all around my house I have different items with 26 on it from a street sign to old license plates to mahjong tiles.
Why the number twenty-six, you ask?
When I was younger, my hero was pitcher, Dwight Gooden (Dr. K) of the New York Mets. He was #16 and I had all of his baseball cards, doubles, and in some instances, triples of each. One day I flipped one of his cards over and noticed that his birthday was November 16 and instantly saw why his jersey number was the same. Well, from then on, my number was 26.
In addition to all of his baseball cards, I had Dwight Gooden posters, photos and magazine cutouts. I even tried to duplicate his pitching motion.
Well last night, I spent some time with Dwight Gooden at Yankee Stadium.
Wow.
It was unbelievable. He even signed a ball to me.
I asked Doc, “What was the secret to your success?”
Without hesitation, my childhood hero replied, “Hard work.”
He didn’t say, “Talent” or “Natural Ability.”
There is a phenomenon called the “Iceberg Effect.” When we see a Dwight Gooden, we only see his out-of-this-world skills (tip of the iceberg). What we don’t see is the hard work and 10,000 hours he put in to getting to that point.
Everyone wants to be an overnight success, but do you know how long it takes to become an overnight success?
Ten years.
Thank you, Mr. Gooden for continuing to be an inspiration to me and a special Happy Birthday to Coach Anthony Carter and high school tennis player, Kevin Roveda.
A BLACK SWAN is “the existence and occurrence of high-impact, hard-to-predict, and rare events that are beyond the realm of normal expectations.” (Wikipedia)
Roger Banister breaking the four-minute mile was a BLACK SWAN event.
David beating Goliath was a BLACK SWAN event.
Ed Tseng failing out of Rider College twice and then going back to speak (twice) at their Leadership Day was a BLACK SWAN event.
BLACK SWAN events happen all the time in sports and life. The fastest horse doesn’t always win the race. The students with the best grades don’t always become successful.
So why then, do so many people count themselves out before the competition begins?
Why do people think that success is only for the lucky few?
What you believe, you achieve.
Be a BLACK SWAN.
*CONGRATULATIONS TO THE GREAT JOEY CLAWSON, SPECIAL OLYMPICS GOLD MEDALIST, WHO GRADUATES FROM THE COLLEGE OF NEW JERSEY TODAY. WAY TO GO, JOE!*
Today’s message is especially dedicated to the great tennis coach, Javier Perez Cigoj in Argentina.
So yesterday I talked about negative reactions on the court and why they can hurt your performance and results.
Soon after, I received a message from Javier, a tennis coach in Argentina and he said, “Great message, but how should you act instead?”
Well, Javier, the key is to let the point go – you can think about how to make an adjustment, but then, keep it in the past.
1. Take a couple deep breaths (to stay in the present and to lower your heart rate).
2. Project a confident image.
3. Think about where you want to hit your next shot.
4. Focus on the things you can control (your energy, attitude, strategy and effort).
5. Cultivate the feeling of winning the next point (even before the point begins).
The best way to increase your chances of winning is to not focus on winning.
Focus on the process instead of the product and as a by-product you will win more.
IMAGINE THIS…
You are playing a match. The score is 30-30, 5-5 in the final set. Your return is nice and deep which forces your opponent to hit a weak shot. You hit a nice deep approach shot, follow it to net and get a high floating ball to your forehand side. You hit it, it hits the top of the net and you lose the point.
How do you react?
Most players would react negatively with their body language, self-talk or hit their racquet on the ground.
This works to your opponent’s advantage because…
1. You will boost their confidence.
2. By reacting negatively, you actually produce different hormones in your body and create muscle tension (which makes you play poorly).
3. You will decrease your chances of winning the match.
I have worked with some high level players and most of them play unbelievable when they are “on” but when they start losing, their games and body language deteriorate.
This is fairly normal.
Do you want to be normal or do you want to be great?
Act as if it were impossible to fail. -DOROTHEA BRANDE