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Message # 81 Clenched Fists

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This message is dedicated to my youngest Zen master, the great Sela Horowitz ( 1 year, 2 months old, tomorrow).

“You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.” Many of us walk around tight or nervous or angry. Some of us are too quick to judge others or focus on the negative qualities.

In order to attain true happiness and connection with others, and ourselves is to unclench our fists. Sympathize and empathize. There may be people we don’t like, but if we wait long enough, good qualities will eventually come out. If you look at things from other’s perspectives, you will understand. Even if people don’t treat you well, you are just as bad as them if you try to get revenge or treat them the same.

If you are playing a tennis match and your opponent is making terrible line calls. Do you let that bother you? It happens all the time. You can’t control what people do, you can only control what YOU do. Perhaps their coach told them to call it out when in doubt, so it’s not the player’s fault. It’s true, I’ve known coaches that teach that. But those coaches are only focused on winning. I don’t worry about that because people get what they deserve. Karma.

Perhaps they have terrible vision and can’t make good line calls. You don’t know, so don’t jump to conclusions.

If they are giving you an attitude, don’t worry about it. Maybe they had a bad day or a death in the family or just broke up with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Another way we clench our fists is when we are nervous. Sometimes when we don’t even realize it. I see people play tennis for an hour and a half and they have this “death grip” the whole time. Watch the pros and see how after each point, they put their racquet in their non-dominant hand. That way you relax and give your arm a break.

People come from all walks of life and all cultures and everyone has been through different situations. Spend some time getting to know others before you judge them. It will make things much easier.

The Native Americans say, “To know a person, you have to walk a mile in their moccasins.”

Homework: Find someone you dislike and unclench your fists.

Message # 80 Pull the Weeds

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This message is dedicated to the great Jimmy Ross. Have a great, safe trip to Guatemala.

One of the secrets of success are to do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.

What is working in your tennis? Do you have a great coach who is making you improve as a player and a person? Are you into it? Do you love improving?

What is not working in your tennis? Do you practice without a purpose? Do you eat poorly? Are you trying to hit topspin serves and you’re seven years old? Do you not practice?

PULL THE WEEDS! Drop the things that aren’t working. If you need help with the tournament play and your instructor just feeds you balls like a ball machine, find another teacher. Are you friends with someone who is a bad influence on you and is holding you back? Become friends with high achievers and good people. Positive people. Those qualities don’t go away. Money, clothing, popularity, cars and houses go away, and when that is all you are focused on, you will have nothing.

Many people think that there is only one way to do something. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is that there are many options, you just have to choose the best ones. Don’t just go through the motions. We live in a fast-paced society, if we don’t consciously slow it down and analyze our decisions, we may make a wrong turn and end up someplace else.

So, what’s working in school? Work? Relationships? Your finances? Health/Fitness?

Whatever is working, do more of those things. If something is not working for you, instead of continuing to do it, and getting the same results…PULL THE WEEDS!

Thanks for reading.

Homework: Do some gardening today.

Message # 79 Cost/Benefit Analysis

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This message is dedicated to the great Nicole Rossi.

On or off the tennis court, you need to be aware of “red flags” that could affect your performance and life.

If you have a pessimistic attitude, the benefit now is that you will have less disappointment, less risk, and less vulnerability. The cost is reduced positive energy, interpersonal effectiveness, and happiness. The long-term consequences are reduced performance, health and happiness.

If you have poor work/life balance (long hours, limited time for family and friends), the benefit now is accomplishment at work; less emotional risk, avoid responsibilities outside of work. The cost is a lack of time for intimate connection; resentment of family and friends. The long-term consequences are unfulfilling relationships; tendency to impatience and anger; burnout; regret; guilt; and loss of passion.

If you multitask, the benefit now is getting more tasks accomplished; feeling productive; high excitement. The cost is divided attention; less fully engaged with people; lower quality of work. The long-term consequences are shallowness of connection to others; less capacity for absorbed attention; lower quality of work.

If you have a poor diet, the benefit now is immediate gratification; convenience. The cost is high cholesterol; increased weight; less sustained high positive energy. The long-term consequences are increased risk of obesity, heart disease, stroke, cancer and early death.

If you do not exercise, the benefit now is more time for work and other obligations, less effort. The cost is less energy, strength, general well-being; lost source of recovery from mental activities; more susceptibility to sickness. The long-term consequences are that it undermines health; lowers concentration and access to high positive energy; increases chances of early death.

– “The Power of Full Engagement” Loehr and Schwartz

So the question is, are you willing to give up what you want now, for what you want most?

Message # 78 Stop Thinking So Much

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Today’s message is dedicated to the amazing Drew Lessa in Philadelphia.

One of the biggest problems people have is they think too much. Don’t get me wrong, thinking is good, but not when it affects your performance or enjoyment. Imagine this, you are at the end of your tennis practice, and you are tired. Your breathing is heavy, your body sluggish and legs tight. AND you’re starving. Then your tennis teacher says, “Ok, now we’re going to do some sprints.”

Most people would groan or say something like “Are you serious? Do I HAVE to?” No, you GET to. It’s a privilege. That is the stuff that makes you stronger physically and mentally. Now, it’s normal to have a negative reaction to exercise when you are running on empty or you don’t feel like it. But is that the mindset of a champion? I’ll tell you from my own experience that I energize most when I feel like it least.

I have a friend who was working out at the gym this past weekend and while she was on the treadmill, she felt that she couldn’t go any further. She was light-headed and felt weak. So she got off for a brief moment and then got back on and finished her workout. She could have easily just ended her workout, but she has a champion’s mindset and took action before her mind could negotiate her body to just give up. It’s takes a lot to impress me and THAT impressed me. More than if someone said they just won a tennis match. You could win a match and not have pushed yourself or learned anything. So it’s not about results, it’s about the process.

This attitude applies to school and work too. See, the great ones don’t let their feelings affect their performance. This is one of the secrets of success. “It’s easier to act yourself into good thinking than it is to think yourself into good action.”

Does this mindset apply to relationships? You bet. I know someone who is in this great relationship, but one of them is thinking too much about it. They are putting too much pressure on the relationship. Looking too much into the future and expecting negative results, instead of enjoying all the things they have in common. The scary thing is that you may be positive and confident and not think too much about one area of your life, but you many not have that same mindset for a different area of your life. If you have the same mindset in all areas of your life, you will get the same results. If you EXPECT success, that’s what you’ll get. If you EXPECT failure, you’ll get that. It’s not what the future holds, it’s what the present holds. If you don’t enjoy the process, you won’t get the right product.

Your most powerful thoughts, whether positive or negative, usually happen, regardless of whether you want them to or not. The problem with most relationships is that people focus on the bad stuff. Then, guess what? More bad things happen. That’s why people say, catch others doing something good. This rule applies to students, athletes, employees and significant others. It even works on my puppy, Babe. If you acknowledge good things, you will get more of that.

Homework: Don’t wait for something to FEEL right before you take action. Are you going to live your dreams or die with the music still inside you?

Thanks for reading.

Message # 77

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This message is dedicated to the Jackson Liberty girls tennis team. Way to be “into it.”

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

-Author Unknown

Message # 76 Checklist For Winners

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This message is especially dedicated to the great Tara O’Connor. Thanks for getting back in touch.

Many people ask me what it takes to become a winner. Here are my thoughts…

You are a winner if:

-You take action regardless of how you feel
-You act like a champion before you become a champion
-You focus on the process, not the product
-You help others
-You have gratitude for all that you have
-You visualize
-You seek out the experts
-You have a good team around you
-You fail forward
-You have goals
-You use a loss as a source of information
-You have fun!
-You do whatever it takes
-You are mindful
-You take care of you body as much as you do your mind
-You ask “How?” instead of “Why?”
-You practice with a purpose
-You focus on quality, not quantity
-You strive for excellence, not perfection
-You surpass expectations
-You realize that you control your destiny
-You are ethical
-You are passionate about what you do

“There’s plenty of room at the top, but not much company.”

Homework: Be a winner

Message # 75 I’m a Poet and I Don’t Even Know It

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This message is especially dedicated to the amazing Rick Tibbetts.

Rick Tibbetts is a poetry writer in Princeton, New Jersey. I spoke to Rick last night and asked him what the secret was in writing poetry. The first thing he said was you have to be “into it.” He then said, “Here, let me write it for you…”

“Poetry-both the reading and writing of it-begins with an immersion in, a curiosity about, and a love of, the language. No medium, no art-period. Yet some people want to proceed without this basis. Why? Whatever they’re looking for, it’s not poetry.” -RT

Wow, can you apply this to your life? Don’t do something because it’s good money. Don’t do something because someone said you SHOULD do it. Do something because you are good at it AND have a passion for it. As Rick Tibbetts says, be immersed in, curious about, and love what you do.

Thanks for reading.

Message # 74 Super Foods

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This message is especially dedicated to the great Travis Spalding.

Many people have been requesting another post on nutrition, so here it is…

Here are my top foods that will help you reach peak performance, physically and mentally:

Broccoli
-Contains sulforaphane, indoles, folate, fiber, calcium, vitamin C, beta-carotene, lutein/zeaxanthin, vitamin K
-An anticancer vegetable
-Rich in fiber

Blueberries
-Contains polyphenols, salicylic acid, fiber, folate, vitamin C, vitamin E, potassium, manganese, magnesium, iron, riboflavin, niacin, phytoestrogens, low calories
-More antioxidants than any other fruit or vegetable
–Antiaging, lowers risk of cardiovascular disease
-May reduce Alzheimer’s and dementia
-Help digestion
-Dried blueberries have antiwrinkle properties

Spinach
-Contains lutein/zeaxanthin, low in calories, beta-carotene, plant-derived omega-3 fatty acids, glutathione, alpha lipoic acid, vitamins C and E, B vitamins, minerals, polyphenols, betaine
-More health benefits than almost any other food
-Anticancer food
–Anticardiovascular disease, anticataracts

Tea
-Contains flavonoids, fluoride, no calories
-Lowers blood pressure
-Prevents cancer and osteoporosis
-Lowers risk of stroke
-Promotes heart health
-May prevent skin cancer
-Best are green and black tea
-Drink before you exercise (antioxidant boost)
-Good for dental health

Wild Salmon
-Contains marine-derived omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, selenium, vitamin D, potassium, protein
-Reduces risk of coronary artery disease
-Controls hypertension
-Prevents cancer
-Relieves depression and other mental health problems

Other super foods:
-beans, oats, oranges, pumpkin, soy, tomatoes, turkey, walnuts, yogurt

Recommended reading: SuperFoods by Steven Pratt, M.D. and Kathy Matthews

Homework: Add these foods to your grocery list!

Message # 73 Damn Yankees

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This message is especially dedicated to the great Joe Torre, manager of the New York Yankees. Hopefully, Joe will still be the manager next year.

Ok, so I’ve had a full day to mourn for the loss of my Yankees. Did they play well? Not really. They never lost a game to the Indians during the regular season. But the Yankees are the Yankees…the highest paid team in baseball, and on paper they look unbeatable. So what happened? I have a few ideas.

1. They didn’t play well. They didn’t play like the typical Yankees who don’t really have a hole in their lineup. In fact, they didn’t have consecutive hits until late in the series.
2. They weren’t “into” it. Those of you who remember the Yankees dynasty in the mid to late 90s, know that they were a “team.” And they were into the game and having fun.
3. They weren’t confident. The team was saying how the early playoffs were scary and anything could happen. The Yankees from 1996-2000 expected to win.
4. They didn’t take advantage of opportunities. Several times they had runners in scoring position and didn’t capitalize.

Were the Cleveland Indians the better team? No. Did they beat the Yankees? Yes.

What does this tell you about what you do? Nothing is a guarantee. Anybody has a chance at beating anyone else. The best team doesn’t always win. You can outperform people with more skills than you.

What advice do I have for my Yankees? Fail successfully. Think about what you learned from this series. On a scale of 1 to 10, how did you play? What could you have done to get to a 10? In my opinion, they Yankees were on automatic. If they changed it up a bit with different strategies against the Indians, it might have been a different story. They just weren’t hitting and they were hoping that their bats would come alive. They didn’t.

Even though I bleed pinstripes, I cannot be too upset about my team because if they played like they way they did, they don’t deserve to go to the next round. Did they try? Sure, but did they do whatever it takes? Probably not.

“Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.” – African proverb

Thanks for reading.

Message # 72 I Know What You Want…

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This post is especially dedicated to the late, great Mary Tseng.

Without knowing many of you very well, or even at all, I know what you want out of life. YOU may not even know what it is you want, but I sure do. Is it good grades? A new car? A big house? Winning the US Open? A great mate? No, it’s none of that. What it all boils down to is…

HAPPINESS

We may have a list of things we want or want to accomplish in life, but ask yourself “Why do I want this?” You may have to ask yourself why a few times, but I guarantee that eventually you will get to a feeling, and that feeling, more often than not, is happiness. Too many of us seek materialistic things or money or status, but that is not where true happiness lies; the reason why is because all of those things are temporary. When those things are gone, you have nothing. On the other hand, if you have gratitude and appreciate all the little things in your life on a daily basis, you will have that happiness now, and nobody can take that away.

Don’t wait until you enjoy being in school…have gratitude and enjoy the learning process NOW.
Don’t wait until you have a good job…have gratitude and enjoy your job NOW.
Don’t wait until you have success in your sport…have gratitude and enjoy it NOW.
Don’t wait until your mate becomes perfect…have gratitude and enjoy them NOW.

If you enjoy EVERYTHING that you do, even the things that you like LEAST, you will always be happy and more good things will come to you. Help others and make the most of the 26,000 days we have on this planet. I challenge you to make a difference and leave a legacy.

Thanks for reading.

“We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.”
– Anne Frank

“My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” – Thornton Wilder